- This blog follows a long period of turbulence within me. It is inspired by another fabulous blog on http://cmt-lekhnise.blogspot.com/2009/03/yes-i-am-male-chauvinist-pig.html, though I must confess that a previous attempt to write this blog met failure due to undue stress it caused me. Today again I am trying to gather the strength required to put forth my opinion on the topic and to bear all the criticism that may come my way later from expected quarters ;). I have borrowed from my own experiences of a relationship, discussions with like-minded people who are renowned experts on the topic and my long drawn thought over the subject.
- I got an email, a forward , explaining the hardships a modern woman goes through while trying to balance between her workplace, her personal life, her spouse expectations, her own aspirations while men failing to understand her point of view and her minimal expectations from her spouse. ( read the previous post to have a better understanding of my views) The mail was forwarded with the pure intention of making me read something interesting, however to the surprise of the sender I took an unexpected interest in it, so much so today I am writing about it.
- I am sure much attention is being given to women and their hardships nowadays (not that they don't deserve it) with so many interest groups and authors dedicated to their cause. But same is not true about the opposite sex barring a few exceptions like Akhil Bharatiya Patni Virodhi Morcha. Very few people (even men themselves) actually believe that men need help or counseling with regard to their problems. In fact few men and fewer women think about the emotional problems a man might have especially after he enters a relationship. In fact this is basic premise behind the overused term "Male Chauvinist Pig".
- The first fact that needs to be understood straightaway is that men are very much saddled with emotions and sensibilities, although to a lesser extent than women. The fact that they do not display their feelings or cannot handle emotions very well is a result of too many factors working against them at the same time. Firstly, the pressure of conforming to the established norms of society where they are expected to be practical and cold-minded. Secondly, there are genetic twists that do not favour men in this context but I am not going into the biological details here.
- The fact that working women have to deal with the inherent insecurities, irrational jealousy of their spouse who is more often than not uncomfortable with her obvious proximity to men at workplace misses one point. It is more difficult and painful for the man himself to bear the burden of these emotions especially if he comes from educated middle class. He is always getting torn apart between the educated, logical mind of his that tells him that there is nothing wrong with the his wife being proximate to men colleagues or college friends among boys and his innate genetic instincts that always guide him in the opposite direction.
- When I am attributing some drawbacks of men to their genetic makeup I am not trying to shield their behaviour that results out of such attributes.I just want to point out being genetic in origin, its rather difficult (read impossible) to curtail such feelings and behaviour. And despite these problems most men do live with their spouse having a life of her own out side the four walls of home. Men deserve applause for this and not criticism for their instincts.
- On a more offensive note, women too have their innate instincts which would be no less worthy of criticism if men paid attention to them. For example, if men think women are objects of pleasure, women think of men as nothing more than instruments of reproduction. If it was not for the element of bringing up offspring and ensuring security in a world where women do not have much say, women would be first ones to ditch men once the act is complete. But with emerging technologies where reproduction can happen without men and women can have economic power this status is about to change.
- On a selfish note it is good that I was born a man in a men- dominated world. For if it was in control of the other sex, I would be a mere tool for impregnation or may be worse ( my semen would be kept in semen banks and I would even miss the short duration of pleasure). I am sure the genetic instincts of women are strong enough to make them do such things to men.
- Having written so much, my advice is don't read much into my mind or judge me from this blog. I am just another man brought up in a patriarchal society, educated with modern values, brought up to think logically and who is trying to find way out of this dialectic and in spite of all this trying to be happy. Wish me luck!
Saturday, March 14, 2009
An interesting forwarded mail...
Tomorrow you may get a working woman, but should marry her with these facts as well.
Here is a girl, who is as much educated as you are;
Who is earning almost as much as you do;
One, who has dreams and aspirations just as
you have because she is as human as you are;
One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life just like you or your Sister haven't, as she was busy in studies and competing in a system that gives no special concession to girls for their culinary achievements
One, who has lived and loved her parents & brothers & sisters, almost as much as you do for 20-25 years of her life;
One, who has bravely agreed to leave behind all that, her home, people who love her, to adopt your home, your family, your ways and even your family ,name
One, who is somehow expected to be a master-chef from day #1, while you sleep oblivious to her predicament in her new circumstances, environment and that kitchen
One, who is expected to make the tea, first thing in the morning and cook food at the end of the day, even if she is as tired as you are, maybe more, and yet never ever expected to complain;
to be a servant, a cook, a mother, a wife, even if she doesn't want to; and is learning just like you are as to what you want from her; and is clumsy and sloppy at times and knows that you won't like it if she is too demanding, or if she learns faster than you;
One, who has her own set of friends, and that includes boys and even men at her workplace too, those, who she knows from school days and yet is willing to put all that on the back-burners to avoid your irrational jealousy, unnecessary competition and your inherent insecurities;
Yes, she can drink and dance just as well as you can, but won't, simply
Because you won't like it, even though you say otherwise
One, who can be late from work once in a while , just like yours, are to be met;
One, who is doing her level best and wants to make this most important, relationship in her entire life a grand success, if you just help her some and trust her;
One, who just wants one thing from you, as you are the only one she knows in your entire house - your unstinted support, your sensitivities and most importantly - your understanding, or love, if you may call it.
But not many guys understand this......
Please appreciate "HER"
Send this to all girls to make their day and to all guys who can handle it.